Sometimes we feel so slighted, so irrevocably wronged, by either friend or foe, that it seems that the only proper response, the sole course of action that would make it right, or that could even be considered appropriate, is to seek, and ultimately get, revenge.
Yes, sweet, beautiful revenge. I’ll show them! How dare they?
There is an old saying that revenge is a dish best served cold, or something to that effect. And as with all old sayings, there is an element of truth to that, as I will attempt to show.
You see, vengeance actually tastes best when fresh, but fresh vengeance to a soul that’s hurting, like wine to an alcoholic I suppose, tends to be consumed in quantities that are too large for our metabolisms. As such it almost always leaves a bad aftertaste and a massive hangover to boot. Worse, for fine human beings possessing a refined sense of justice, like myself, any type of revenge, at whatever temperature it is to be served, is diffficult to seek without prior analysis.
Why is that, you ask? Why can’t revenge taste sweet and be good for you? The answer? You’ll just have to bear with me, precious reader.
Firstly, the act of seeking revenge, although reflexive, is usually the wrong reaction to being hurt. By pursuing vengeance we presume that we were intentionally affronted. This may or may not be the case, but it is important to know whether it is. Sometimes the intention to hurt exists only in our own injured perception. We must let enough time pass to be able to ascertain this objectively, otherwise we come off as insane, as well as unfair. Also, we are likely to be emotionally frail when hurting. At those times we are almost certainly not in the ideal decision making frame of mind. And let’s face it, nobody wants to do anything they’ll regret later.
When we are thinking of revenge we are actually temporarily (hopefully) mentally ill, so we forget those famous words of Gandhi, “An eye for an eye leaves both parties blind.”
But if we allow ample time to pass (let’s call it a month for argument’s sake), enough time to ‘heal all wounds’ as that other old saying puts it, and we still feel that revenge is warranted, then chances are it is, and I say let it be ‘full steam ahead’. My quota for cliché use has now been surpassed for the year, maybe longer.
Serving this revenge dish as a cold one both benefits the avenger, if only because it will have been rather thoroughly thought out, and also adds poignancy to the revenge being dished out. Chances are strong that this other person, however horrible personality-wise, will have moderated those thoughts which caused her originally offensive behavior. This particularly hard hitting reminder of how bad they were is often effective in instilling some kind of remorse, but not always.
Of course you are not seeking revenge to teach any lessons or anything. I know you are above that.
So how exactly does one gather the patience required to sit out such a lengthy period of time? If you are fuming mad, it takes great control, but it should pay off sometime in the future.
As an exercise in practising restraint while waiting out the calendar month before acting, picture the typically diabolical Joan Collinsesque schemer (sorry, Joan, I am only confirming you as the great actress that you are). Imagine her wring her hands as she plans her next homewrecking conquest. Try to understand her devious calculations, all to achieve an end, no matter who gets hurt and how many lives get destroyed.
As one of her victims, admit that you are considering getting back at her, in this case even justifiably.
Try to imagine any form of revenge that would actually have any affect on someone so unscrupulous. There probably isn’t anything that would be effective, at least not until the dust had settled. When someone stirs up so much trouble, even she is blinded by the commotion while the action is still hot. She had her reasons for doing this, after all.
You will soon realize that, yes I was right. It is better to wait. For one thing, you will not be the only one looking to get back at her. She may be so beaten down by her other victims any idea you may have had may constitute overkill, or worse, have no effect.
It is true that there are alternatives to vengeance. The problem with those are that they just don’t satisfy any appetite for revenge, and we all know that the cravings can be as strong as for any addictive substance. Since this isn’t a restaurant, I’ll leave appetites out of the remainder of this post. Besides, anyone thinking of revenge has little patience for alternatives.
Are there other options in the likely event that you just can’t wait that long? You could hire someone to get revenge or ask a friend to help. This doesn’t score high on the watch-em-sqirm satisfaction level, but it is very good if you absolutely must, for whatever twisted reason, get that revenge while wishing to maintain anonymity, as well as your dignity, or what little you may have left. Just make sure your dignity is already compromised with the person you are hiring.
In the end you could always wish for her to get run over by a bus or something, and nobody would be any wiser, but you may not be able to overcome the feelings of guilt should it actually happen. There are also other problems with this solution, most of them obvious I hope. I mean, what are the chances?
As you can see, the alternatives, or at least the few I enumerated here, don’t quite cut it when compared to the real deal.
So next time you feel that need for revenge, it might be best to try practising restraint and patience. You will probably find that as time passes, you will simply get over it, without any effort, and get on with life. You’ll move along quicker than you realize, and be a better person for it.
And for those of you who don’t care about being better, why not go for that sweet, sweet revenge? You’ll find yourself saying “Was that ever worth waiting for!!!”, or, for those of you who may be only slightly less refined, “Take that, bitch!”
As long as you don’t worry about being devoid of conscience, you’ll feel pretty good!
mmmmmm Revenge huh?
how about revenge by knocking out and smashing a montreal policeman’s kneecap for police brutality!
Waiting is very good advice. Anger and vengeance must be separate. Make sure your actions are the result of rational thought and personal justice, not the mad ramblings of rage.
Not only that, it is often better to wait and let the victimizer forget that they have wronged you…that way it is harder for them to trace back the retribution